what could potentaily kill you makes you stronger….

October 17, 2007

The Past weekend from scarydom!

Filed under: Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 8:47 pm

Well the last weekend I nearly ended up in the hospital ūüė¶ it was another home alone weekend with my gram. Those never ever go well,but yet I can’t complain as it’s a breack from my mom and dad. I am getting along worse and worse with my mom I’m not even trying now. She does these stupid things that tick me off especaily when they make me stressed out.

I failed my Canadain history test 45% not going to go there ehhhh just don’t!

Well back to saterday/sunday gram bought this really expensive yummy soft serve ice cream and inaialy I’m like while I’l have a spoonful and than with her slight egging on I ended up eating to. My BGL was SOOOOOO high I was drinking water like no tomorrow! I was so scared I wasn’t going to go down and than I did I crash and I was scared after I would have to go to the hospital it was a really bad hypo and I was downstairs alone with no way to call for help. I woke up on the floor I did get glucosse tabs into me. Least I think thats what happened I don’t remember it quite right. The point is I have learned my lesson.

I just got so tired of my gram disowning me when I turned into a crank because my BGL’s ,Or telling me that it’s wrong to drink large amounts of water that she takes my cup and bans me from drinking at all,Or from accuseing me of all this stuff I just cracked again! I dunno what I’m going to do I love my gram but telling her copromises so much of my position that I can’t….My family except for my mom does not need to know about my RH.

¬†Sunday gets worse….

My mom comes home and has to go to work and my ashers calls “You wanna come over tomorrow”

I ask my mom and no and she goes on about this test I failed and I’m like “Am I being punished for failing”

and she goes “No” and she wouldn’t give me a reason and finally she siad no but my dad told me to go so I told Ashers yes.

My mom leaves for work and about 4 hrs latter she comes home.

We have this big arguement on how I’m putting friends before my school work and all this other crap.

I quit I don’t talk to her inless I have to! She cannot accuse me of being and doing things I don’t.

I told her I just wanted her to be my friend and now she’s being phoney nice to me.

One to happier tales!

Monday was Job fair what fun!

It was in the town overs school she we had to take a bus from our school to theirs.
I got on the bus with my 6 friends and the bestest teacher ever! He’s the teacher I keep mentioning in here a lot!

Well I have to go get supper so you’ll have to wait to hear all about it when I come back!!!!!!!!

October 15, 2007

What an Awesumely sweet morning to bad the weekend wasn’t so fun!

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Uncategorized, Weekend blues — closedembrace @ 2:58 pm

This will be the title of the blog post I’l do when I get home as I’m in school this morning.

I’m going to a friends for the rest of today and tomorow!

woot!,

hypopony

October 11, 2007

I don’t know who’s going to be more disapointed?

Filed under: Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 11:17 pm

No change in Dx guys things are not changing.

Well I’m not sure of that I’m really confused right now…..

I have a request that you guys just keep me in your thoughts and hope that whatever my fate weather a Dx change to pre D or just a staying reactive hypoglycemic that god has it in his hands to pick the right choice for me and that it will all turn out.

Right now I’m feeling a little sad and frightened. To much to think about just To overwhelmed drop a comment if theres anyone else out there.

I’d like to say thanks to Curt and I know that he was hoping for the best that things would change so I could stop worrying and leaning on him so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me hun! I don’t know who’s more disapointed me or Crut about the whole thing. I should post a picture of me and him on here when and if I can get any time….

Lately my vision has taken a turn for the worse and I need to get glases still waiting on my mom to make the apointment and it seems I may be developing Carpal tunel.

Just to much for a 16 year old kid who just wants to have fun to deal with…..

“we are all innocent…..”

Love,

hypo_pony

Dx might be changeing soon…..

Filed under: Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 12:11 am

I just started showing huge warning signs of the big D!

In ways I’m okay with and just well relieved to have it over it’s been so stressful with my reactive hypoglycemia. There are basicaly no drugs to assist in slowing down insilin flow and so it’s basicly diet conrtroled. I can only 1500 cals and 149 carbs.

I’m kinda scared and than I’m like “I knew this was going to happen and I said whatever happens I’m gonna be okay” and than I’m like “I’m not okay kinda”

A little lost right now I’m just glad I have my www.diabetesdaily.com/forum

SO prediabetes/T2 it is for hypo now guys!

((hugs))

hypos

October 9, 2007

Thankful for the simpilar things…hapiness is simplier that what it needs to be…..

Filed under: Uncategorized, Weekend Funstuff — closedembrace @ 8:20 pm

In honor of the thanksgiving holiday this post is dedicated to all the things and people I am thankful for.

First off I am thankful for my health as such that it is and more so for the fact that I am alive despite the everyday chalenges living with this Dx has presented . Next off I am thankful for my Dx of hypoglycemia without it I would have never met the wonderful people I now call friends the ones I count happy to have in my online family. I am thankful for every small bit of happiness I have in my life even if it’s just a simple smile and a hello from a friend when I’m feeling sad.

I’m thankful to be loved.

Most of all I’m thankful for today and whatever tomorrow brings I know I’m going to be okay!

Happy thanks giving and sorry this is late,

hypopony

October 5, 2007

Made it to the weekend still no new meter….

Filed under: Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 7:59 pm

Tired out!

No new meter again today I may go into town and get it tomorrow….

not much to saw just glad to be alive!

Thanksgiving weekend so tomorrow will be weekend fun and thankful list

October 3, 2007

Sometimes it’s just easier to feel nothing inside….

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 8:45 pm

I am so tired of being angry!
sad

alone

trapped

unfurfilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my house it’s taboo to mention anythings wrong with me and to boot us kids are not allowd to complain,cry or talk about anything. We support ourselves emotionaly and finacaily most of the time we are more than well provided for. In our house age and feelings count for nothing. In our house if your crying over anything it’s because your being over dramatic and nothings wrong.

I learned a long time ago to just not feel anything! Look away every feeling till nothing remains now the rest of my life is messed over because of that vulcan like ability.

I am so tired of my friends not understanding why all of a sudden I’m so angry!

I am physically exshausted along with being mentaly and emotionaly wiped out.

I don’t have any place to go and I don’t know what to do I’m loseing my grip and no one is there to cacth me!

My friends don’t understand and a certain one of them is making me so angry I don’t know what to do about it because as I stated earlier “If I don’t find an outlet soon my actions and words are going to hurt someone close to me I don’t want to lose” . Somehow this person always¬†seems to think that their problems are the only ones and forgets that maybe I need¬†a few¬†minutes of her time to vent. I know I worry to much but that doesn’t mean I don’t need a fall back when I¬†crumble into a million pieces.

Still no new meter probably won’t go get it for awhile my reasoning is that I’m just to tired.

To tired to care

just tired…………

October 2, 2007

Finally the rest of what happen!

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Support groups/forum — Tags: , , — closedembrace @ 10:31 pm

Got caught up in life!

Warning this is going to be a long blog entry for sure might type half of it and than the other in a nother entry!

Finally here I go the end of what happened  saterday and saterday night!

Well any way at this birthday party I was at (Ekka’s) Everyone had arrived in the afternoon and most of my friends know about my hypoglycemia and while they know I have it they don’t always know how I feel about it except for one aspect.How I feel about telling people! I don’t mind when aproached in the right manner or going up to a teacher and explaining it out but to be put on the spot by almost strangers! HOLY was I upset!

Ekka’s mom had been talking to some of the relitives about what I had no doubt talking about how POOR the quality of my life and how I couldn’t EAT anything. Ekka’s mom could not remember the name of what I had so she spots me and she goes “what is it that you have? They want to know what it is and I can’t remember!” so I take a deep breath in to go and explain it all to her so she can relay back to whoever. Than this is where I get slightly even more upset when she goes “yell it load so they all can hear” THEY being 20 plus people whom 80% I didn’t know and to boot a bunch of under 9 year olds. I have never been so upset or felt so exposed!

Also she didn’t want to give me a piece of cake after I went to a whole lot of effort to wacth my carbs and calories just so I could have a piece. I have decided not to go back to her house.

When I got home I went onto my number 1 support group www.diabetesdaily.com/forum and went into chat and got some advice on how to handle a situation like the one I got into! Thanks a mil Lloyd and BigT !

Here is how to handle a situation like that thanks Lloyd and BigT:

“If anyone wants to know come and speak to me in private”

worded nicely and without meaness in it.

Also I just simply will not return to my friends home again what so ever. I have yet to talk to her about what happened at the party. Ekka a nice a girl and I know she tryed to explain to her parents a head of time of my condition and she kept trying and it just ended up that what she said just confused them more.

Anyway I have yet to talk to her about the situation as there has been a lot of strain among all our friends since the party for reasons beyond my comprihension. More on that latter now onto the events of saterday night……

I don’t know how I’m still alive…..

Saterday night I came home finally and was on the computer intill about 10:30 pm not very late. My dad told me to get off so I did because he’s been a bit cranky lately because he had to go back onto insilin after a period of sucess without. So I put my cd walkman on dance around intill about 11:00 pm than he tells me and my sister to go to bed. I’m 16 I don’t drink,do drugs,mess around and over all am not a bad person. I thought I should be allowd the freedom of staying up late since I had to get up again at 12 to 1 amishy for my midnight meal to prevent morning hypos.

I made the mistake of telling my little sister to not listen to him and go wacth TV. This made him mad and he stepped into my space and he is not a little man 6’1 and almost 200 lbs¬† so I PUSHED him away from me as he scares the poop out of me when he gets like that. This caused this whole screaming macth with him and me and my sister both ended up in tears and a mess.

on a side note I have NEVER ever ever retaliated physically against my parents this is the first time only because he’s so scary like that. I tryed to be reasonable and as usual it ended up in disastor and him claiming I’m questioning his authority.

I was deathly upset and after calming my little 12 year old sis down I went to my room and opened my window still crying climbed out onto the roof. This is my specail place where I go when I need to get away. It was about near my snack time and I was so upset I forgot I needed to eat. I had partly worked myself into a hypo that with the loss of snack I ended up passing out from low BGL’s when I woke up I was on the edge of our roof. My liver must have acted on my be half saveing my buttkins this time. I managed to get back inside and get my snack and the rest of the night is all blury.

Ive promised several people on DD that I will not climb out onto the roof again!!!!!!!!Also my friends at school don’t want me to do it anymore so I will try to stay away from the roof but at some point I’m gonna snap and go up there just to be alone.

Right now I don’t want to be alone not for awhile! The feeling of waking up there so tired,fatigued,shakey,cold and feeling so alone deffinitely has me shaken emotionaly a little bit and my confidence has a bit of a dent in it from the for your information acholhol free party.

Than last night I was in chat and nothing really happened except well I got to thinking way to hard due to a member who mentioned she was a hypoglycemic about around the same age I was. I am a mildly severe reactive hypoglycemic and without control I know my goose is cooked. Basicly I stayed up all last night¬†thinking about how I say I’m okay with five years down the road when my pancreas quits that I forgot that it could quit two weeks down the road. I knew the risks and I knew it could quit and than she made a comment about some of the number I’d posted here and there reminded her about her levels about the time the tables turned for her and she became a diabetic.

Made me think good and hard and if she’s reading this than I want to thank her. She made me really think about how okay I really am with everything over all short term and everything and it made me reliese I’m not and that I’m actuatly very very angry with everything right now. Unintentional things my friends say that I see pretaining to me in some way or when they complain about there life I just feel like screaming at them!Venting everything out but as soon as I start yelling and not being okay I’m afraid I’l lose them.

 I need to find a physical and mental outlet soon before I blow up and someone does get hurt by my words or actions.

I’m angry and unsure about so many things.I won’t quit I’m not weak enough to thats what everyone who doesn’t get why I keep going is waiting for I won’t give them that satisfication. On the plus side I am feeling slight encouraged.

I was eating raison’s which I hate so much! I was right in front of the english teachers door. I was forced feeding myself raisons because I had run low that morning after a run in gym and ended up in one of those stupid half cohherent states managed to save myself before I got dropped intirely though. Anyway back to the raisons! I had been yelling earlier during recess down the hall while he was walking down it. I was trying to pawn my raisons off onto Pat I did tell him no even though he would have ate them all I’m sure but I go “I can’t weasel my way out of eatting them because I ran low this morning!”

So fast foreword five minutes latter while making faces while swallowing raisons at the end of recess being smart¬† goes to aforementioned english teacher “Hey Quinn you want some Raisons?” and he goes “No Jess needs to eat them all!” and I go something along the lines of “they taste so horriable!” he goes “Jess just put them in your hand and eat them all at once and eat them!” and Curt goes “I did that last year and I nearly died I’m surpised you didn’t hear it!” and than we all sorta laughed and I kept on eatting those stupid raisons.

More great news I got invited to be on our towns local art council opening up some insane opportunities in my future art/english teacher. It’s gonna be so great! I hope to be putting together a presentation and going to some local schools soon I have to talk to the art teacher about that as well.

So some bad and some good stuff this week!

Lots of loves and hugs,

Hypopony

P.S

My five month aniversary of being Dxed was on September 30th I am now five months and two days dxed!!!

The rest of what happened

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 12:09 am

comeing tomorrow morning having fun in DD chat can’t post now!lol

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