what could potentaily kill you makes you stronger….

October 2, 2007

Finally the rest of what happen!

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Support groups/forum — Tags: , , — closedembrace @ 10:31 pm

Got caught up in life!

Warning this is going to be a long blog entry for sure might type half of it and than the other in a nother entry!

Finally here I go the end of what happened  saterday and saterday night!

Well any way at this birthday party I was at (Ekka’s) Everyone had arrived in the afternoon and most of my friends know about my hypoglycemia and while they know I have it they don’t always know how I feel about it except for one aspect.How I feel about telling people! I don’t mind when aproached in the right manner or going up to a teacher and explaining it out but to be put on the spot by almost strangers! HOLY was I upset!

Ekka’s mom had been talking to some of the relitives about what I had no doubt talking about how POOR the quality of my life and how I couldn’t EAT anything. Ekka’s mom could not remember the name of what I had so she spots me and she goes “what is it that you have? They want to know what it is and I can’t remember!” so I take a deep breath in to go and explain it all to her so she can relay back to whoever. Than this is where I get slightly even more upset when she goes “yell it load so they all can hear” THEY being 20 plus people whom 80% I didn’t know and to boot a bunch of under 9 year olds. I have never been so upset or felt so exposed!

Also she didn’t want to give me a piece of cake after I went to a whole lot of effort to wacth my carbs and calories just so I could have a piece. I have decided not to go back to her house.

When I got home I went onto my number 1 support group www.diabetesdaily.com/forum and went into chat and got some advice on how to handle a situation like the one I got into! Thanks a mil Lloyd and BigT !

Here is how to handle a situation like that thanks Lloyd and BigT:

“If anyone wants to know come and speak to me in private”

worded nicely and without meaness in it.

Also I just simply will not return to my friends home again what so ever. I have yet to talk to her about what happened at the party. Ekka a nice a girl and I know she tryed to explain to her parents a head of time of my condition and she kept trying and it just ended up that what she said just confused them more.

Anyway I have yet to talk to her about the situation as there has been a lot of strain among all our friends since the party for reasons beyond my comprihension. More on that latter now onto the events of saterday night……

I don’t know how I’m still alive…..

Saterday night I came home finally and was on the computer intill about 10:30 pm not very late. My dad told me to get off so I did because he’s been a bit cranky lately because he had to go back onto insilin after a period of sucess without. So I put my cd walkman on dance around intill about 11:00 pm than he tells me and my sister to go to bed. I’m 16 I don’t drink,do drugs,mess around and over all am not a bad person. I thought I should be allowd the freedom of staying up late since I had to get up again at 12 to 1 amishy for my midnight meal to prevent morning hypos.

I made the mistake of telling my little sister to not listen to him and go wacth TV. This made him mad and he stepped into my space and he is not a little man 6’1 and almost 200 lbs  so I PUSHED him away from me as he scares the poop out of me when he gets like that. This caused this whole screaming macth with him and me and my sister both ended up in tears and a mess.

on a side note I have NEVER ever ever retaliated physically against my parents this is the first time only because he’s so scary like that. I tryed to be reasonable and as usual it ended up in disastor and him claiming I’m questioning his authority.

I was deathly upset and after calming my little 12 year old sis down I went to my room and opened my window still crying climbed out onto the roof. This is my specail place where I go when I need to get away. It was about near my snack time and I was so upset I forgot I needed to eat. I had partly worked myself into a hypo that with the loss of snack I ended up passing out from low BGL’s when I woke up I was on the edge of our roof. My liver must have acted on my be half saveing my buttkins this time. I managed to get back inside and get my snack and the rest of the night is all blury.

Ive promised several people on DD that I will not climb out onto the roof again!!!!!!!!Also my friends at school don’t want me to do it anymore so I will try to stay away from the roof but at some point I’m gonna snap and go up there just to be alone.

Right now I don’t want to be alone not for awhile! The feeling of waking up there so tired,fatigued,shakey,cold and feeling so alone deffinitely has me shaken emotionaly a little bit and my confidence has a bit of a dent in it from the for your information acholhol free party.

Than last night I was in chat and nothing really happened except well I got to thinking way to hard due to a member who mentioned she was a hypoglycemic about around the same age I was. I am a mildly severe reactive hypoglycemic and without control I know my goose is cooked. Basicly I stayed up all last night thinking about how I say I’m okay with five years down the road when my pancreas quits that I forgot that it could quit two weeks down the road. I knew the risks and I knew it could quit and than she made a comment about some of the number I’d posted here and there reminded her about her levels about the time the tables turned for her and she became a diabetic.

Made me think good and hard and if she’s reading this than I want to thank her. She made me really think about how okay I really am with everything over all short term and everything and it made me reliese I’m not and that I’m actuatly very very angry with everything right now. Unintentional things my friends say that I see pretaining to me in some way or when they complain about there life I just feel like screaming at them!Venting everything out but as soon as I start yelling and not being okay I’m afraid I’l lose them.

 I need to find a physical and mental outlet soon before I blow up and someone does get hurt by my words or actions.

I’m angry and unsure about so many things.I won’t quit I’m not weak enough to thats what everyone who doesn’t get why I keep going is waiting for I won’t give them that satisfication. On the plus side I am feeling slight encouraged.

I was eating raison’s which I hate so much! I was right in front of the english teachers door. I was forced feeding myself raisons because I had run low that morning after a run in gym and ended up in one of those stupid half cohherent states managed to save myself before I got dropped intirely though. Anyway back to the raisons! I had been yelling earlier during recess down the hall while he was walking down it. I was trying to pawn my raisons off onto Pat I did tell him no even though he would have ate them all I’m sure but I go “I can’t weasel my way out of eatting them because I ran low this morning!”

So fast foreword five minutes latter while making faces while swallowing raisons at the end of recess being smart  goes to aforementioned english teacher “Hey Quinn you want some Raisons?” and he goes “No Jess needs to eat them all!” and I go something along the lines of “they taste so horriable!” he goes “Jess just put them in your hand and eat them all at once and eat them!” and Curt goes “I did that last year and I nearly died I’m surpised you didn’t hear it!” and than we all sorta laughed and I kept on eatting those stupid raisons.

More great news I got invited to be on our towns local art council opening up some insane opportunities in my future art/english teacher. It’s gonna be so great! I hope to be putting together a presentation and going to some local schools soon I have to talk to the art teacher about that as well.

So some bad and some good stuff this week!

Lots of loves and hugs,

Hypopony

P.S

My five month aniversary of being Dxed was on September 30th I am now five months and two days dxed!!!

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