what could potentaily kill you makes you stronger….

December 11, 2007

So things are complicated I think…

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 9:59 pm

Okay I appoligise for my abscenes but life likes to eat me up and spit me out occasionaly to update here.

Well how has life been this past week and a half stressfuly,tear filled and just plain bumpily.My frirends don’t know how stressed out,upset and lost ive felt or been. I just can’t let them know it would make me weak I geuss…. I don’t know anymore but I lost it again I just totally broke down.

I got in troble at school I yelled at a Substitute teacher.I am a good student I have never done anything like that before in my life…We had just wacthed a movie on child care and she’s like “Next movie is about nutrition so this ones more interesting” I totally totally lost it!
I told her “My life is already a nutritional nightmere!” and it escalated from there…Now that I look back on it I can laugh about because the poor sub had no idea WHAT I was ranting about…the look on her face was hilarious!

I also left www.diabetesdaily.com for a little bit because of that but Ernest set me straight I’m not allowd to leave DD again and I’m glad I went back!

10:25 PM ernestb: we are not perfect

10:25 PM ernestb: we all have our moments

10:25 PM ernestb: and i be dammmed if you dont come here and let us hear whats up

10:25 PM ernestb: even if its a assss chewing!

Thanks Ernie I needed to hear that that day ūüôā made me laugh a little.

Than there was the great meter debackle….

Oh my goodness…

2 out of 3 meters where being PITA’s its all fixed now the stress really brought me down firguritively and Literaly….

Now things are steady again so guys I just want you to know that even though my life gets complicated you guys make it all worth it

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Also I have a D-life series of art and other art at this site: http://faded-golden-ink.deviantart.com

next time I gotta talk about my boy and all the fun thinsg ive been really up to,

loves yall,

Jess(hypopony)

Advertisements

December 2, 2007

Updateness sorry my cat ate my laptop and my pony spit it out*falls asleep*

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 6:56 pm

Okay Some I’m super busy school sucks!!!! I get out Decemeber 20th for break and plan to paste myself to www.diabetesdaily.com and I don’t plan on being cut and pasted off of it for any reason what so ever! Yes I am totally nuts lack of sleep and hours on the internet/looking at plane ticket prices/ploting between me and my Big sister (well adopted big sister) Kris http://www.diabetesdaily.com/forum/blogs/krisb0701/¬†!

Geuss I have to wait till I’m 18 meh thinks to truely enjoy my american diabete friend making experiance thats okay with me (: that way I can truly enjoy it to the fullest and I won’t feel guilt riden by my mom. Disney world is fun and all but i am disapointed I’l be missing out on Zippora a diabetic ballerina whom I totally well idolize except I don’t dance.

I am utterly exshausted so sorry if this is short but I just don’t have enough energy to sya much more!

loves you all,

Hypo

November 26, 2007

My bad luck week/Fustrated terriablely soooo

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 10:06 pm

Well Thursday last week my mom came down stairs at 6:30 am to find me passed out at the bottom of them. I don’t even remember how I got down them but I was supper ubber low nor do we know how long I was there.I spent the last several days feeling off emotionaly and physicaly.Emotionaly I’m sick of it all physicaly I don’t know where I stand quite anymore. I want a normal life filled with normal teenaged things! I’m sick of how complex things have to be! The docters have been calling the house like crazy trying to decide what the heck I am Fuctional or Reactive hypoglycemia I was classed under “Reactive Hypoglycemia” with slight functional Hypoglycmic characteristics yet now it’s flipped around….

Ive started trying to follow my diet better but I all of a sudden CANNOT stand the taste of fruit anymore for some reason.Ive been so senstive to what i eat lately taste and blood sugar wise….Sigh I need help badly getting unfusterated….

November 17, 2007

Big long Update for everybody who reads this!Carancopia of links

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 7:51 pm

Okay so life kinda ate me up and put me through a violent dryer cycle!

I got a new meter thanks to someone very specail! I now have a OneTouch Ultra Mini in pink and I cannot say enough about it! However the strips leave something very much to be desired. I have to call the company on Monday and hopefuly something will be done. The OneTouch Ultra strips the card board ontop of it curls up and jams and I find it hard to test when I’m shakey from lows.

Another thing/piece of advice if your shakeing to violently to test during a LOW don’t treat yourself FIRST! I learned this the hard way and ended up wasteing a few strips. Insurence won’t cover me anymore so my mom is like “No more testing” and I’m scared! I’m gonna try and get soem strips off ebay and I have some in the mail from another specail friend.

I don’t know what I’d do without my OneTouch Ultra meter I love it to death! I¬†have also become the Queen of exterior meter decoration! I should trya nd post a pic of my case it is the greatest! I have ribbons,keychains,and all kinds of neat stuff happening with it!¬†Ive had to make¬†this¬†life fun because I started to lose it over the past couple of weeks!¬†Ive snapped several times and broke¬†from my diet and Ive been an emotional¬†mess.

¬†Ive so much to say here yet I’m¬†to lazy and tired¬†after a long week of school to really update so I’m gonna¬†throw a lot of info and links into this post!

First off I was thrilled to hear another Hypoglycemic who posts on www.diabetesdaily.com reads my blog and liked that I mentioned dietary and other interesting tidbits on here so I will be doing that alot now.

ūüôā

The start of the information pile up of links:

http://endocrine-disorders.health-cares.net/hypoglycemia.php

Found this one very technical and informitive!

http://www.diabetespoetry.com/poetry_room.html

This is a great place for Diabetics and RHG and everyone who needs a little inspiration

http://www.opinions3.com/reactive_hypoglycemia.htm

This is the greatest site ever information wise!

www.onetouch.ca

Best damn meter company in the world!

http://www.healthbolt.net/2007/02/02/why-do-doctors-dismiss-reactive-hypoglycemia/

This is a articale on why so many docs dismiss RHG and blame it on something else!

http://www.programwitch.com/Diet/diet.htm

The above is a link to the diet plan mine is loosely based on!

http://hypoglykemie.nl/faq/hfaq07.htm

One of the ways RHG is DXed I had a bad reaction to it but the information needs to be out there.

http://www.rajeun.net/gtt.html

Articale on basic GTT responses

http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/h/hypoglycemia/treatments.htm

Interesting articale woot!

The best lik of all is www.diabetesdaily.com

Love yall,

Hypo

November 12, 2007

Sorry I disapered *poof*

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 3:14 am

Life came and bit me in the arse!

So busy with school but tomorrow when I’m not falling asleep at the comp I’l have to give you al an update!
I’m on the right path now!!!

loves,

hypo_pony

October 15, 2007

What an Awesumely sweet morning to bad the weekend wasn’t so fun!

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Uncategorized, Weekend blues — closedembrace @ 2:58 pm

This will be the title of the blog post I’l do when I get home as I’m in school this morning.

I’m going to a friends for the rest of today and tomorow!

woot!,

hypopony

October 3, 2007

Sometimes it’s just easier to feel nothing inside….

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 8:45 pm

I am so tired of being angry!
sad

alone

trapped

unfurfilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my house it’s taboo to mention anythings wrong with me and to boot us kids are not allowd to complain,cry or talk about anything. We support ourselves emotionaly and finacaily most of the time we are more than well provided for. In our house age and feelings count for nothing. In our house if your crying over anything it’s because your being over dramatic and nothings wrong.

I learned a long time ago to just not feel anything! Look away every feeling till nothing remains now the rest of my life is messed over because of that vulcan like ability.

I am so tired of my friends not understanding why all of a sudden I’m so angry!

I am physically exshausted along with being mentaly and emotionaly wiped out.

I don’t have any place to go and I don’t know what to do I’m loseing my grip and no one is there to cacth me!

My friends don’t understand and a certain one of them is making me so angry I don’t know what to do about it because as I stated earlier “If I don’t find an outlet soon my actions and words are going to hurt someone close to me I don’t want to lose” . Somehow this person always¬†seems to think that their problems are the only ones and forgets that maybe I need¬†a few¬†minutes of her time to vent. I know I worry to much but that doesn’t mean I don’t need a fall back when I¬†crumble into a million pieces.

Still no new meter probably won’t go get it for awhile my reasoning is that I’m just to tired.

To tired to care

just tired…………

October 2, 2007

Finally the rest of what happen!

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Support groups/forum — Tags: , , — closedembrace @ 10:31 pm

Got caught up in life!

Warning this is going to be a long blog entry for sure might type half of it and than the other in a nother entry!

Finally here I go the end of what happened  saterday and saterday night!

Well any way at this birthday party I was at (Ekka’s) Everyone had arrived in the afternoon and most of my friends know about my hypoglycemia and while they know I have it they don’t always know how I feel about it except for one aspect.How I feel about telling people! I don’t mind when aproached in the right manner or going up to a teacher and explaining it out but to be put on the spot by almost strangers! HOLY was I upset!

Ekka’s mom had been talking to some of the relitives about what I had no doubt talking about how POOR the quality of my life and how I couldn’t EAT anything. Ekka’s mom could not remember the name of what I had so she spots me and she goes “what is it that you have? They want to know what it is and I can’t remember!” so I take a deep breath in to go and explain it all to her so she can relay back to whoever. Than this is where I get slightly even more upset when she goes “yell it load so they all can hear” THEY being 20 plus people whom 80% I didn’t know and to boot a bunch of under 9 year olds. I have never been so upset or felt so exposed!

Also she didn’t want to give me a piece of cake after I went to a whole lot of effort to wacth my carbs and calories just so I could have a piece. I have decided not to go back to her house.

When I got home I went onto my number 1 support group www.diabetesdaily.com/forum and went into chat and got some advice on how to handle a situation like the one I got into! Thanks a mil Lloyd and BigT !

Here is how to handle a situation like that thanks Lloyd and BigT:

“If anyone wants to know come and speak to me in private”

worded nicely and without meaness in it.

Also I just simply will not return to my friends home again what so ever. I have yet to talk to her about what happened at the party. Ekka a nice a girl and I know she tryed to explain to her parents a head of time of my condition and she kept trying and it just ended up that what she said just confused them more.

Anyway I have yet to talk to her about the situation as there has been a lot of strain among all our friends since the party for reasons beyond my comprihension. More on that latter now onto the events of saterday night……

I don’t know how I’m still alive…..

Saterday night I came home finally and was on the computer intill about 10:30 pm not very late. My dad told me to get off so I did because he’s been a bit cranky lately because he had to go back onto insilin after a period of sucess without. So I put my cd walkman on dance around intill about 11:00 pm than he tells me and my sister to go to bed. I’m 16 I don’t drink,do drugs,mess around and over all am not a bad person. I thought I should be allowd the freedom of staying up late since I had to get up again at 12 to 1 amishy for my midnight meal to prevent morning hypos.

I made the mistake of telling my little sister to not listen to him and go wacth TV. This made him mad and he stepped into my space and he is not a little man 6’1 and almost 200 lbs¬† so I PUSHED him away from me as he scares the poop out of me when he gets like that. This caused this whole screaming macth with him and me and my sister both ended up in tears and a mess.

on a side note I have NEVER ever ever retaliated physically against my parents this is the first time only because he’s so scary like that. I tryed to be reasonable and as usual it ended up in disastor and him claiming I’m questioning his authority.

I was deathly upset and after calming my little 12 year old sis down I went to my room and opened my window still crying climbed out onto the roof. This is my specail place where I go when I need to get away. It was about near my snack time and I was so upset I forgot I needed to eat. I had partly worked myself into a hypo that with the loss of snack I ended up passing out from low BGL’s when I woke up I was on the edge of our roof. My liver must have acted on my be half saveing my buttkins this time. I managed to get back inside and get my snack and the rest of the night is all blury.

Ive promised several people on DD that I will not climb out onto the roof again!!!!!!!!Also my friends at school don’t want me to do it anymore so I will try to stay away from the roof but at some point I’m gonna snap and go up there just to be alone.

Right now I don’t want to be alone not for awhile! The feeling of waking up there so tired,fatigued,shakey,cold and feeling so alone deffinitely has me shaken emotionaly a little bit and my confidence has a bit of a dent in it from the for your information acholhol free party.

Than last night I was in chat and nothing really happened except well I got to thinking way to hard due to a member who mentioned she was a hypoglycemic about around the same age I was. I am a mildly severe reactive hypoglycemic and without control I know my goose is cooked. Basicly I stayed up all last night¬†thinking about how I say I’m okay with five years down the road when my pancreas quits that I forgot that it could quit two weeks down the road. I knew the risks and I knew it could quit and than she made a comment about some of the number I’d posted here and there reminded her about her levels about the time the tables turned for her and she became a diabetic.

Made me think good and hard and if she’s reading this than I want to thank her. She made me really think about how okay I really am with everything over all short term and everything and it made me reliese I’m not and that I’m actuatly very very angry with everything right now. Unintentional things my friends say that I see pretaining to me in some way or when they complain about there life I just feel like screaming at them!Venting everything out but as soon as I start yelling and not being okay I’m afraid I’l lose them.

 I need to find a physical and mental outlet soon before I blow up and someone does get hurt by my words or actions.

I’m angry and unsure about so many things.I won’t quit I’m not weak enough to thats what everyone who doesn’t get why I keep going is waiting for I won’t give them that satisfication. On the plus side I am feeling slight encouraged.

I was eating raison’s which I hate so much! I was right in front of the english teachers door. I was forced feeding myself raisons because I had run low that morning after a run in gym and ended up in one of those stupid half cohherent states managed to save myself before I got dropped intirely though. Anyway back to the raisons! I had been yelling earlier during recess down the hall while he was walking down it. I was trying to pawn my raisons off onto Pat I did tell him no even though he would have ate them all I’m sure but I go “I can’t weasel my way out of eatting them because I ran low this morning!”

So fast foreword five minutes latter while making faces while swallowing raisons at the end of recess being smart¬† goes to aforementioned english teacher “Hey Quinn you want some Raisons?” and he goes “No Jess needs to eat them all!” and I go something along the lines of “they taste so horriable!” he goes “Jess just put them in your hand and eat them all at once and eat them!” and Curt goes “I did that last year and I nearly died I’m surpised you didn’t hear it!” and than we all sorta laughed and I kept on eatting those stupid raisons.

More great news I got invited to be on our towns local art council opening up some insane opportunities in my future art/english teacher. It’s gonna be so great! I hope to be putting together a presentation and going to some local schools soon I have to talk to the art teacher about that as well.

So some bad and some good stuff this week!

Lots of loves and hugs,

Hypopony

P.S

My five month aniversary of being Dxed was on September 30th I am now five months and two days dxed!!!

The rest of what happened

Filed under: Hypoglycemia, Uncategorized — closedembrace @ 12:09 am

comeing tomorrow morning having fun in DD chat can’t post now!lol

September 29, 2007

I’m going to break the weekend fun rule………..

Filed under: Hypoglycemia — closedembrace @ 11:56 pm

This once as I see it fit that I do so! I missed two whole days of updateing due to a sleepover one night and than the next. First off I’l tell you all how my week was BGL wise…..

Since my meter is still out of order permently and I don’t have a new one yet I don’t know my averages all I know is I rahn low every night except the last three nights. I did test once on faulty meter and it told me 1.0 but it reads wrong so thats just an aprox. of what it was!

I got a brand new laptop though on wednesday so that is one highlight of the week. Toshiba satelite running on windows vista it’s pretty sweet and I like it a lot so far!

Thursday Ashers and Ekka came over for a girls night and man of man did we go whild! We slept out in our camper trailer which is decked out just like a house airconditioning and all! We played Dance Dance Revelution which I am now so adicted to it’s not even funny! I ate three pieces of pizza and lived although I did have to excersize and control after like insane!

we ended up making a couple phone calls and um well some of our friends are still laughing like insane idiots right now! Ashers brain is insanely naughty and brill at the same time! latter one we dressed me up as a punk crossed with a hooker it was hillarious!Mini skirt,fish nett leggings,tank top and japenese school girl shoes! The black make up looked good on me but it was so hard to get off! Ekka also put on the same outfit and somehow our black loveing unprepish ashers wiggled her way out of putting on my nerd prepy cloths!

We where using the webcam on my laptop to take some pics and apparently was recoding our audio and video convo the whole time without us knowing! Nearly peed myself laughing wacthing it! I ended up sleeping with Ashers in the bed fully clothed I might add for those of you who I know will twist that around! Since I am trying to keep this blog g rated I won’t discuss how we turned a simple insilin pump into something hilarious don’t worry no pumps where harmed in this at all we where just dicussing the pump and it’s benefits and some where inbetween one of use (ashers) thought I was talking about something else.

it was near 1 am before we got to sleep though on a school night! we had to get up at 6 am in the morning!

After that we went to school and I reliese that I forgot my meter and I was going to Ekka’s house after school for her birthday party on saterday as it was so far away I was sleeping over. She has 5 brothers and sisters (6 counting her) than two of her cousins live with her and her mom and dad.

This is where my weekend gets butt ugly for me. I have never felt so out of place,unwanted and unsecure in my whole intire being about my hypoglycemia. I was just starting to get most of my confidence back that I lost 5 months ago to this diesease and things had to go wrong!

I brought all my own meals and all my own snacks as I didn’t expect them to try and feed me what so ever and I brought my own water and a can of juice to last friday and saterday. I explained everything to her parents as best as I could have possibley done. So it was fine and I was lucky I did bring my own food because lunch was hotdogs big calorie and carb no no! Than super was at 7 pm at night o_O I proly would have died had I not brought my own meals.

Somehow her parents ended up with an impression that there was almost nothing I could met hence the waste of trying to explain anything to anyone at all. I said I had a certain number of calories I could eat and I brought my own meals to keep with that count.

So things where fine I played DDR with Ekka and Sare for hours on end and just hung out and stuff. Than around 10 pm or something .Than things got ugly but I’l have to type what happened latter to tired right now ūüė¶ Zzzzzzzzzz

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.